An Uphill Battle

by Hailey Flavin

 

As 18-year old Max Gelsomino began the college application process, the pressure, much like for many high school students, was immense. Gelsomino had let time pass by and had not even begun to consider where he might want to attend. Common app rested in front of his eyes like a vast field of unknown.

 

Gelsimino knew he was not ready. He had struggled in high school with branching out, and knew that he would feel like a fish out of water in college. His small hometown, Barrington, Rhode Island, left him sheltered.

 

“I was friends with the same kids all my life, I wasn’t good at meeting new people,” said Gelsimino.

 

Gelsomino researched until he wanted to scratch his eyes out. He found himself continuously searching for a school he knew didn’t exist. He wanted something perfect. 

 

“But I didn’t know what perfect was,” Gelsomino said.

 

Never had he felt so lost.

 

“I had no idea where I would fit in,” he said, “I had such high expectations of what college was like,” Gelsomino continued.

 

Time continued to pass and as his friends committed to universities around the country, he felt pressured.

 

He applied to The University of Vermont, Drexel University, Ithaca College, and Syracuse, not knowing what was so great about them.

 

“I only new about them from the stereotypes I had heard,” Gelsomino explained.

 

He was accepted to all of the school that he had applied to and was now more unsure than ever.

 

As April fast approached, Gelsomino was in a full-fledged panic. His best friend had committed to the University of Rhode Island and begged him to do the same.

 

In the end, he was swayed by his friend Daniel to attend the University of Rhode Island. As sent in his deposit, he worried he was making a mistake.

 

He didn’t have the typical feeling that others raved about. That feeling where you can’t stop talking about how much you love the campus, the program, the location, the sports, and everything in general.

 

Gelsomino remembers thinking to himself, “I think I just made a decision for someone else,"  "A decision that determines the rest of my life.”

 

He had chosen a school based upon what his best friend wanted him to do.

 

“I listened to Dan because he was the only person that was truly there for me all of high school,” said Gelsomino.

 

After a summer of college discussion and goodbyes, Gelsomino still felt like he was the only one of his friends who wasn’t ecstatic for what they were about to experience.

 

“I wasn’t sure how I was going to find myself on a campus I wasn’t in love with,” said Gelsomino.

 

Move in day had arrived and Gelsomino recounts it vividly.

 

“While everyone met their roommate for the first time, explored the campus for the first time, and socialized, I felt like I was still in Barrington, still with my best friend.”

 

“It was on the first day of school that I realized you need to be challenged and have your social abilities tested when you go to college,” he explained.

 

From that point on, Max could not find himself.

 

“I felt alone in a big swarm of people,” he said.

 

He was afraid to be himself and he could not quite put his finger on as to why.

 

Gelsomino did not go out his first year at the University of Rhode Island. He did not meet people at the dining hall. He didn’t even speak to people in his classes. On top of this, he explained that he had no idea what he wanted to do with the rest of his life.

 

He spent his nights wondering why this process hadn’t worked out for him. Why everyone else seemed to love where they were, and why he found himself sleeping at home nearly every weekend.